Anywho, it just so happens that particular birthday is a little different. You see, a lot has happened in the past year — in my personal as well as my professional life (I was going to write //student//, but well :D ). And even more importantly, I think some even bigger things will happen in this coming year, so its definitely something that I’m eagerly looking forward to. And to all the people who think //know// they belong to the group I mentioned earlier, I just want to say **thank you**.

Cheers!

Atleast thats how I feel at times (a coward). I keep telling myself that I’m just averse to high risk situations, but thats just a nice way of putting it. Reading about Manjunath, I feel sad, and angry. Yet, I ask myself — what would I have done had I been in his place?

Its a shame that as humans, after thousands of years of civilization, we still have so much barbarism in our society. Its a shame, that as the largest democracy of the world, we are still struggling to deliver justice in such blindingly unambiguous cases of injustice.

And at the same time, in the middle of all this, I feel a little sad and guilty, that so much emphasis is being put on Manju being an IIM-Man (read the [[http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/articlelist/1306442.cms|economic times]] title). Yes, what happened to Manju or [[http://skdubeyfoundation.org/index.php|Satyendra Dubey]] was wrong. Yes, we must fight for their justice, make people aware, fight this corrupt system. Yes, the nation lost an IIM man and an IIT man. But what about the countless others, who die because of their honesty, but were not fortunate enough to make IIT or IIM? Why does the India media keep missing the point? Why does it matter if they were IIT or IIM? Would their deaths be any less important if they weren’t?

Two years back, the SK Dubey case shook the soul of the country (or did it?) — it was given wide spread media attention and the PMO office itself was involved and in large part, the massive awareness campaign happened with the help of the incredibly large network of IITians all around the world. But in Manju’s case, the media didn’t notice first. And the IIM graduates were not alone in spreading the word. A sporadic, yet loosely connected //collective// wrote about it on their blogs, talked about it — so much so that the Indian Express [[http://youthcurry.blogspot.com/2005/11/in-letter-and-spirit_25.html|actually cited]] one of the blogs as being “letters” sent to the newspaper.

I hope I learn to find more courage in me, so that lives of the Dubey’s and Manjunath’s would not have been in vain.

Please help in any way you can, but don’t get swayed away by emotions. Believe it or not, there are people out there trying to make money off of this natural calamity, and its shameful. [[http://www.boingboing.net/2005/08/31/watch_out_for_phony_.html|Watch out for phony Katrina aid scam websites]].

[[http://www.southernillinoisan.com/articles/2005/09/01/opinions/columnists/muir/106691.txt|Its amazing]] how in the midst of all this chaos, people can actually go about [[http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-083005looters_wr,0,562628.story?coll=la-home-headlines|looting]], even [[http://www.sciencedaily.com/upi/?feed=TopNews&article=UPI-1-20050831-07295700-bc-us-katrina-looters.xml|hospitals]].

Disgusting.

**UPDATE 2005/09/01 via BoingBoing**: White people [[http://news.yahoo.com/photo/050830/photos_ts_afp/050830071810_shxwaoma_photo1/print|find]], but black people [[http://news.yahoo.com/photo/050830/480/ladm10908301723/print|loot]]. I’m not saying that the statements in those pictures are false, because I don’t know. But the choice of words still sounds me as striking.

Last night I went to see [[http://wip.warnerbros.com/marchofthepenguins/|March of the Penguins]] with my friends here. It isn’t really a movie, its more like a documentary. Its cute, funny in places; some of the scenes are simply breathtaking; you feel sad at times for the helplesness of these animals against Nature.

But watching the movie really made me think about the life these majestic emperor penguins lead, and the lives we humans lead. //ALERT//: I’m going to make some sweeping generalizations here, but just bear with me.

I was thinking about the life of these penguins. Year after year after year, they go through the same ritual. Half the year they spend walking (not sliding, not riding, not flying, just walking… and if you’ve seen penguins walk, you can appreciate that its not the most efficient form of transportation). And its not a short walk — say 3 or 4 trips of 70 miles each, in freezing snow and biting winds. Their lives are centered around their off springs — to save them from the cold, to feed them, to protect them. Their love is passionate, but short lived — partners change pretty much every year. They go without food for upto 4 months at a stretch.

Its a simple life, you’ll admit. Humans, in comparison, lead //vastly// complicated lives. I mean if an alien race was to make a documentary on humans, I doubt they’d be able to capture a //single// human’s life in 3 earth hours, let alone capture the entire human species. But what have we really added to our lives in making them so complicated?

The penguins experience love; they show pride; they show honour and mutual respect; they show endurance; they show cooperation; and they have some education. As humans scurry about their busy lives all over the world, in the remotest corners of antarctica a group of penguins goes on with their lives, walking, feeding, living, dying, walking … unaware of the immensity of the universe.

But what have we added to our lives with all our knowledge and science and technology? Don’t you sometimes wish that our lives were as simple as the penguins? Where we could take pleasure in the simple smalleties and not worry about all the politics and the careers and the countries and the societies and the countless number of threads that bind us and weave around us this complex web of humanity.

When I put myself in perspective with the bigger picture, //life, universe and everything// … I feel so small and humble. Its a good feeling :-)

I’ve never actually “seen” one happen (with real snow, I mean). But today, I experienced what it must feel like, to get hit by a snowball that you last saw as a miniscule pebble.

It was a gloomy day. I guess its the cumulative affect of the events of the past week. Ma underwent surgery to have her uterus removed. She’s fine, but still in the hospital. But then my grandfather passed away 2 days back.

I wasn’t very close to him. But I felt bad because when I got the news, it didn’t strike me at all. I didn’t even feel very sad. And that made me feel guilty, and then sad. It was expected for a while, he was old and unwell. But after all is said and done, one more life has been lost. My father and his brothers feel the loss, and I can relate to that. But I don’t feel a sense of personal loss, and that worries me.

Sometimes staying so far away from home scares me.

God bless him.

My condolences to you, [[http://abhaga.blogspot.com/2005/08/musings-from-edge-of-life.html|Abhaga]]

Basically, whenever I see such movies, I have an intense desire to do something crazy (but right) like the protagonists in these movies. Put everything behind the nation kind of stuff. But then I’m also a really selfish guy. Everytime I have such thoughts, I end up thinking about my family, and how they need me, and how I need them.

But thats not the whole story obviously. I’m also slightly cowardish in the sense that I really don’t want to get involve in anything dirty or corrupt, or that which involves beating/bashing up or things more sinister than that. Sometimes I feel India should have a rule like “everyone couple should devote a child to the nation”. Now I know thats a really extremist view, and I myself would be shocked as hell should something remotely like this happen in practice.

But I still think about it. I mean, just consider what would happen — we would have an army of young men and women completely dedicated to the country with nothing to distract them whatsoever. No family, no better halves, no fear, no shame. Just one goal, just one focus — the prosperity of our motherland.

So, here I am, with my dillemma. I love India, I really do. And I really want to do something for my country. Something that people can remember me by. Something great. On the other hand, I don’t want to get into politics, or deal with gangsters and mafia and gudas and other forms of corruption. At the same time, I want to be there for my family and spend enough time with them as well.

Its not really clear to me how all of this can possibly be managed all at once. A good solution, I guess, lies in teaching. Strike at the roots, build the nation bottom up approach. And you can do research as well, maybe with the DORD or something. That would be nice. But then somehow I’ve always been avoiding teaching, I feel its not really my forte. Then there’s also the economic stigma attached with teaching.

Confusion, confusion! Well, I hope one day I can find a good solution to this problem. Even an approximate solution would do I guess :)